Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My Dad's Gone Banana's!

After staying put at home for almost five months after his first grandchild was born, my father finally caved and left for Australia for his first overseas meeting since Easter weekend. I was indeed surprised when my brother told me dad had left for the trip as I'd imagine him to be sitting home with Emma letting her run his life forever!

Yesterday, I decided to give him a call and make fun of him a little. I called to tell him that his 5 month old grand-daughter had verbalized 'ye ye' (maternal grandfather) aloud right after he left. He laughed at how he'd missed the what-seemed-like the biggest event of his life. I laughed thinking he was playing along. Shortly after we hung up, he actually called home to ask mom when it happened hahahaha! Ok, he's definitely lost his mind. How the hell would a 5 month old baby first say 'ye ye' before she says 'ma' or 'pa' or anything else under the sun lol. He's not even in his 70s and he's acting like he's insane lol. Made me roflmao :D (Ric, that would be roll(ing) on the floor laughing my ass off) :D

He has finally met his match and I now know what his weakness is.


Coming from a country where it's hot and humid all year round, clouds and rain put most people I know back home in a better mood. Growing up, I loved reading in my room with the windows opened whenever it was raining outside; just listening to the pitter-patter of the raindrops on the metal roof that sat over the kitchen... listening to the maids chatter in tagalog doing laundry and cooking the next meal for the family, was heaven to me! Rainy days were the best!

I can understand why the Americans give me a weird look and call me insane (including my husband who's grown to accept it) when I tell them what a nice day it is when it's wet and dreary outside. "Ahhh, my kind of day!"

But the last 24 hours with the tv blasting constant warnings from the local news and drastic predictions of New Orleans on CNN in this household has made me rather uncomfortable. Then seeing graphic details of what Katrina's done to New Orleans and Biloxi, even Jackson, Mississippi (only a short three hours drive from us) has made me gasp in horror more than once. It's just so scary to be this close to this natural disasters. Bruce doesn't quite understand my fears... often, he rolls his eyes and tells me everything will be ok. Maybe I'm just being pessimist. But I always think something bad will happen during our stay here in Memphis. The worst would probably be an earthquake that'll happen when I'm home alone while Bruce is at work.

Katrina's come and gone... at least the effects of her. I can now calm down and breathe again. But the deck and yard looks like crap! Arrgh! Everyone needs to know how to live in a country like Singapore where there are no natural calamities whatsoever. Just bad politicians. Then again, you have them here too!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

My MIL Thinks She Is A Teenage Boy

I have never known anyone (and I know a lot of overweight people, including myself!) to consume that much fast food! After today, my mother-in-law, fresh out of her hip replacement surgery two weeks ago; now in rehab for the last 8 days has been on a 'diet' consisting of food from jason's deli, kfc, mcdonald's, backyard burger and steakout for at least two meals of the day for the last fourteen days in a row! A teenage boy's dream. Ok, she had one meal from PF Chang's and twice, two char siew buns from the Asian store thrown in there for her breakfasts. Still, those aren't exactly full of nutrition; not full of anything really. I don't think the 50 pounds she's lost before the surgery is gonna' stay away for too long. She can try and convince me all she wants about being on a low carb diet... and that all the candy she has in her room are for the nurses and staff - YEAH RIGHT! She complains about them constantly; at least at the hospital she did. I'm no fool. No one's going into her drawer to get those Snicker bars from her lol. She's not going to do very well when her cardiologis finds out he'd just saved her life (she claims he did at least 'coz he ordered a sorry ass pint of blood for her as NO ONE else cared to LOL) only for her to eat all the fast food all over again to clog up her arteries.

Oh well... the husband has wasted enough of his breath trying to talk to his mom. She won't listen anywayz... so she's given whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. If her beloved daughter who'd 'do anything for her' thinks it's ok, who are we to care.

Maybe hell still has a place for me :)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Broken Flowers & 40 Yr Old Virgin

Thursday, Bruce and I headed out towards midtown to catch 'Broken Flowers' starring Bill Murray. It had really good reviews and I thought it should be good considering the last time I saw him in 'Lost in Traslation', I enjoyed myself. Well 'Broken Flowers' turned out to be horrible... and I don't think it was the fault of any of the stars in it! OMG, it was even worst then 'Sideways' which we hated too. I cannot imagine how it got the reviews it did. Bruce thinks it's from a bunch of people who didn't understand the movie and thought since they didn't understand it, figured it would have to be good. Arrgh! Do not even waste your money when it comes out on video. YUK!

Then on Friday, my girlfriend and I headed out to see 'The 40 Year Old Virgin'. This movie, too, had really good reviews. Fortunately, we laughed from the time the movie started. Very entertaining and I loved it (so did my friend). Ok, granted it's predictable. But that doesn't make it less good. ...and believe me, it's not a chick flick lol. Go see it NOW if you're in for a good laugh.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Hurt, Offended and Just Plain Pissed Off

I've never been known to be an over-sensitive kind of person (quite the opposite, actually) and after talking about it to my laogong (Bruce), Gen, my buddy up in NYC and mom, I've been told it's not a matter of sensitivity. So here is the long story cut short.

Yesterday, we babysat Bruce's younger niece, Mackenzie. The little brat that we're horrified about 'coz she's not only a climber, a jumber and a non-speaker at past 2 years old, she doesn't seem to have a liking for her uncle Bruce. So leaving us no choice but to say 'yes we'd babysit' since after two messages with no return call, my sister in law, Valerie, got my mil to call. Anywayz, Bruce's sister, drops her daughter off at about 11:30am and the first thing the little thing does upon coming in and seeing Bruce is turns away and tries to flee. LOL. Yes, literally. She walked out of the house back into the garage towards her mother's car. Of course she was coerced back and her very nice and extremely patient uncle sat her on his lap and showed her pictures of puppies on the computer. Her mom left, she was fine and the rest of the day with her was not even as bad as we'd imagined. Some parts were even comical :D Uncle and niece played in the backyard under the sprinklers and sat on the deck to dry off, had chocolate biscuits and watched tv while I sat inside (in the cool) minding my own business :) I then decided to change Mackenzie into one of the outfits that I'd gotten for Emma, my niece back home... after all, I've seen Mackenzie in nothing but hand-me-downs from her big sister Marley. She looked great! Cute - for a change lol. More like a real 2 yr old little girl that comes from a decent family instead of a homeless looking kid with uncombed hair in her oversized, overworn and certainly overwashed outfits I always see her in.

After fried rice, cookies and cheese, we got her in bed and she drifted quickly to deep sleep. Her mom picked her up about 4:30pm in the midst of her nap and she was NOT the least bit amused when woken up to leave immediately. No thank-you-very-much from Valerie, no how-has-she-been, no has-she-been-bad, no what-did-guys-do, has-she- been-fed... instead, went on and on about how bad the rehab facilities that my mil had been transferred to was. Of course, she got neither sympathy nor positive input from Bruce nor I. My mil does not have much of a choice at this point. She can't go home to no 24 hr help! Simple as that. In the meantime, my insane sil has pulled her daughter out of the front door with her kicking and screaming and mother yelling at child at the top of the steps in front of the house. I was horrified! Who in the world was this woman here who constantly claims how much she loves her kids and how good a mother she is blah blah blah pulling her daughter from her little wrist out of the house? I hurriedly picked Mackenzie up and helped her into the car. Valerie shot an 'I'm so glad you're SO happy to see mommy' towards the screaming kid. I walked back to the house thinking 'shit, I wouldn't want to go home too after a day of full attention and pamper!'

She (Val) knew she was gonna see us again at the rehab... she knew we'd be there 'coz we had to deliver my mil's tv. Yet, when she walked into the room with her daughter, there was little Mackenzie, dressed back in her old dress. I screamed "WHAT THE PHUCK!!" inside my head. That very same moment when they walked in, Bruce and I said bye to my mil and left (in a huff, I guess). I didn't know Bruce had noticed but he did and was not amused either.

All in the span of 30 mins, my sil left our house, went to the grocery store, got more fast food for her mom and not forgetting, changing her precious little daughter out of her nice new outfit back to her old one so Bruce and I could see it.

So there. NEVER AGAIN! She's not getting any help from me... nor her brother again! Screw that shit! I was hurt for a little and pretty damned offended for awhile. Now, I'm just plained seething and foaming at the mouth LOL. No, really, I'm pissed off!!! Now I understand the Cantonese saying ji gei gu ji gei. NO SHIT!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Mama-Drama Mama

I've been to hospitals many many times in my short life... to hang out with my bro, my dad, many relatives and friends. But I have not seen so much mama-drama all from one single patient!

Day 3 of my mother-in-law (mil) in the hospital. She had a much delayed (about 10 years), very much needed hip replacement surgery on Monday morning and will be there for another couple of days. She was fine and dandy and day one. She looked great when they wheeled her in from the recovery room. No make up (she usually has on about as much eye shadow as Mimi on the Drew Carey Show), alert and looked great! Better then usual as far as I'm concerned. She was on the phone talking to her best friend in Boston, her cousin in New Mexico, the nurses who came in to check on her... she told Valerie and I stories while we sat there half reading our stack of magazines and everything was looking very good. That was until I got to see the bottom half of her body when they changed her. Will my life ever be the same again!? Probably not. It wasn't exactly what I'd bargained for when I said I was going to keep her company while she's in the hospital... but oh well... I figured if I could get through day one and all that I'd seen, everything would be smooth-sailing from there. I thought sooo wrong!

Yesterday, she was in a lot more pain. I called her early in the morning asking if she'd wanted me to bring her breakfast. She rambled on about how they gave her breakfast she didn't ask for and how there was no juice, dried up muffin, bad scrambled eggs, coffee she doesn't drink blah blah blah. I asked her again about breakfast. She went on about the nurses. I asked for the third time if she wanted anything, including peaches. She bit on the Californian peaches that Bruce ordered :) So I cut some up, bagged them and went along my way to the hospital at 9:30am.

My arrival seemed to make her happy. That's why I always stay as long as my bladder can hold on. Usually about six hours lol. I'm way too paranoid to use her private toilet (nope she hasn't gone that far) nor those for the public. Ok, I'm just weird, I'll admit it. I walked into her room and right after we exchanged pleasantries, she went on and on and on and on... you get the point. Complaining about the nurses and how they didn't get to her until 1am when she'd be pushing that button for them for more than an hour. Turned out that the buttons on the bed don't work... she finally found the one on the tv remote control. She claimed she'd yelled at them 'are you going to wait till I die before you come in?!' over the intercom. I believed her. She seemed to be getting nastier (not to me of course) by the minute. The physical therapist came and without any warning, my mil shot her mouth about her pain and there was no turning back. The poor young pt got a good tongue lashing from her. I controlled my temptation to laugh 'coz it was complete unnecessary heightened drama (oh I'm never going to walk again, this surgery was a big mistake, I was walking fine before and now I can't even move my leg). She was NOT walking fine... she was hardly walking! I tried my hardest not to be embarassed but wow... when the crying started, I wanted to run out of the room. WOW! I now truly understand my husband's plight and why he has so little sympathy left for his mother after the last decade of trying to get her to do this and other things to make her own life better...

So after MUCH screaming and crying and complaining and whining and bitching, the pt got her onto the chair from the bed with the help of the walker (my mil insisted on using her own high tech walker and had a 20 min argument why she refused to use the hospital's). It took about an hour to move the inch from bed to chair. By then, it was lunch time. The lady who brought in her lunch also got a tongue lashing from my mil 'coz she didn't bring in the menu on time. All I could do was sigh, rolled my eyes about a gazillion times and screamed inside my head... what a day!! Why was I even puzzled that I had a splitting headache when I left at 3pm lol.

Bruce called to check on her this morning. He said she was whining... I'm not going there till after my Ladies' Luncheon so I'd have a nice day besides that :)

For all the evil stuff I've said and done, this has got to be redemption time for me. Heaven's got to have a place for me now! :)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Bruce Has A New Name!!!

Tonight we had dinner with the Sgolombis family at China Inn 2 (see Bruce's blog). Like our first visit there a couple of weeks ago, there were some celebrations going on in the not-so-private, private room (everyone can see what's going on inside). Last time was a Vietnamese wedding (with not that good Vietnamese karaoke'ing) and tonight, there was a Black wedding. No karaoke but lots of electric dancing and black-line-dancing. Ok, that's my own term :) But yeah... Chinese food, hip hop tunes... just like back home hahaha!

Halfway through, a lady from the wedding comes out and 'delivers' some wedding favors. Yup, for us! Baggies of Hershey chocolate kisses and mints. Awww, how sweet and... odd lol. But thank you! That might have been Ayanna's (Julie's youngest 9 yr old daughter) highlight of the entire evening :)

So there we were, enjoying the good food. Bruce was in the midst of telling his haircut story in Japan... comes along this MC Hammer and his wife. OK, not really MC Hammer and his wife but a look-alike... a black couple. The man stops Bruce and says "hey man, excuse me man but I gotta' give it to you. Those glasses man, dey ah da' bomb man! I have like 650 pairs of glasses at home but you are... I gotta' call you Elton John man!!!" He continues to walk away a little, turns around and almost kow tows and bellows "BOOYAH TO YOU MAN!!" The wife follows behind and echoes quietly how cool Bruce's bamboo glasses are.

You can well imagine the whole table's reaction. :) Never a dull moment with my very very white husband and how he attracts attention and people whom we sit next to at shows and concerts... and he thought it was weird when my best friend back home greeted him with "W'dup homeboy!!" climbing into the car. I think 'booyah to you man' has topped the record, Elton baby.

Hooking Up

Where was this show when I was single? Not that I have gone out on so many bad dates - I'm the type who knows how to enjoy myself no matter how bad the guy is. No, really! Still, American men are SO easy to perceive once you know the basis of how they all think hahaha! Especially the not-so-brilliant-ones. I've watched all episodes of ABC's new reality tv show 'Hooking Up' and I must say, "I love it!". Every single woman (and man) out there NEEDS to watch this. It's educational! :) It also explains why a lot of them are single... and might actually give some of you an idea why you might be. 'Picky' is just an excuse other people tell you why you're single. Trust me!

A few of them have actually found love on the internet which is awesome. The rest... they are looking way too hard I think. My gawd, some don't even go on second dates. Granted, some are just no-way-situations. But some of these people don't even give the other party a second chance!! I think it's sad. No wonder so many marriages end up in divorces. To base a person by one phone call and one drink, one mistake. It's just plain unfair. I always give the other party one more chance - especially if they think I'm attractive LOL. Hey, if they do, they must have VERY good taste and at least half a brain hahahaha!

People are just out to meet 'the one'. Not knowing how to have a good time en route to meeting that person. They are so blinded by having to fall head over heels in love with the person the first time they lay eyes on them that they miss what's great about the 'wrong' person. The big thing on the show is the word 'chemistry'.... the lack of it mostly. Ok, there were a couple of liars out there who turned out to be a big laugh (and I wouldn't be happy either if it happened to me). It's like having me and Willie Nelson meeting up trying to have a conversation about gardening. (even if that happened I'd have fun lol) But generally, most of the single people on the show are plain narrow-minded and non risk-takers. What happens? You end up being nicely dressed, looking forward to a good time and then experiancing yet another disappointment. Have fun for crying out loud!!! Talk! Have a nice conversation! You're there already, you might as well enjoy yourself!

I may be no beauty queen nor a Harvard grad but I am very happily married to a great guy while they're still out there on the dating scene and not having a good time while doing so. To the hot, tall, skinny 30-something year old women out there: in the words of Nelson from the Simpsons "ha ha!".

Gawd, I'm SO going to hell!!! (see previous post "I'm SO Going To Hell!")

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Dukes of Hazzard

My friends and I just got back from the movies. There really wasn't anything else to see (it was either see sorry ass Tom Cruise in War of the World , Sky High or worst of all, Bad News Bears. So it was really a desperate move to go watch 'Dukes'.

Keep in mind that I'm usually very easily entertained at movies. I like pretty much everything as long as it's funny (if it's supposed to be funny) and chick flicks are always good too. So I can't say I can agree with the horrible reviews for 'Dukes'... I mean, yes, Jessica Simpson is pretty embarassingly bad an actress; but she's got a hot bod! Other than that, it was funny. If you like brainless funny movies (not as vulgar as the American Pie series), then you'd enjoy it. The four teenage boys sitting in front of us three women (ages 21, 35 and 49) were silent compared to our roaring laughters. Embarassing! :) All they laughed at were times when they said 'shit'. Sorry ass boys!!!

Naomi, Julie and I were all pleasantly surprised and enjoyed the movie. I give it 3 stars out of 5! :)

(Bruce called me a hill billy for liking the movie... ok this is the second time I've been called a hill billy by my husband)

I'm SO Going To Hell!!!

I was chatting online earlier this morning with my old friend Takae. She's Japanese and we met at the University of Arizona through a mutual (ex)friend Vanessa. Let's see. I think the very first time I met Takae was at Sinbad's for Arabic food. Almost instantly, we took a liking to each other. Well, I did her at least lol. Takae is an outspoken Asian woman who loves to drink and eat. Now how can you not find women like her (and I) to be appealing lol. Richard and Bruce certainly have great taste in women!!! ...so naturally, we got along very well during our school days and continue our friendship via the internet these days since we've both followed our husbands' and moved to Texas and Tennessee.

It's always fun chatting with old friends. Of course, we talked about our husbands blah blah blah... and about the time she helped trim and shape my eyebrows (and what a good job she did 'coz my cousins back home all commented on it)... and of course, about all the guys who came in and out of my life back then as a single girl.

So why am I going to hell!? Well, the chat lead us to talk about Mo and how I made him eat pork when I served him pork fried rice knowing full and well he's Muslim (hey, he didn't reject it when I put the bowl in front of him and said 'there is pork') lol... I also pretty much made full use of him 'coz I needed some furniture put together and lead him to believe the many prospects for more lol... I also remember making my vegetarian friend eat frog legs LOL. There's been no turning back since then. She's a now a carnivore. Then there was Mark... Mark... generally a nice guy but basically an idiot. Let's just say he wasn't the most considerate guy - I know Takae is laughing as she reads this blog. He used to call and tell me he was on his way to pick me up without telling me where we were going 'coz it was a surprise. Without fail, the damn surprise would be to take me to eat freakin' Mexican food. Hooray... NOT! I went out with another guy at the same time I was dating Mark (hey, there was no ring on my ringer!!) and was caught red handed by Mark... still, he wanted me in his life. I DID say he's an idiot, right? Oh well... I'm SO glad those days, albeit, fun, are over and done with. I'm older and the last thing I need is to have idiots surround me thinking they can get into my panties... yikes, and I just remembered that IBM guy who was SO ugly (but rich LOL) I couldn't even let him kiss me (on the cheek) good night after a date LOL. ....and this is only a fraction of all the evil things I've said and done.

Like I said, I'm SO going to hell...

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Think Before You Open Your Damn Mouth IDIOT!

Last night, we attended our neighbor's 50th party. It was a nice enough party considering it was raining and the outdoor party had to be brought indoors and I met a flip whom I dislike from first sight (but that's another story) and then there was this other neighbor... well not exactly our neighbor; she doesn't live in our cove and I've never seen her nor her husband before... but she seemed VERY excited to meet me and Bruce when I told her I lived across the street from Bill and Karen. She started asking me if I knew the people who lived in the house before us were also Asian. DUH I bought the phucking house from them for crying out loud!! Dumbass. She says 'yeah I knew you weren't here 'coz she's A LOT SMALLER'. Oooo-KAY... so she's a petite little skinny Japanese woman and I'm not skinny. I'm also not phucking 60 years old!!! What was the idea of pointing this fact out to me?!?! I lost all patience with her and slowly pulled myself away from the conversation.

My buddy Genevieve had a similar incident happen to her last week in NYC. Some guy had mistaken her for some girl who works at a take-out place and then only to say 'yeah I knew you weren't her but maybe a sister or something since she's smaller'.

Hello(?!), what is wrong with these people?! If you haven't got anything nice to say at all, keep your phucking mouth SHUT! ...and if you want to call me fat, you can do so all you want behind my back. I don't need phucking reminders, thank you very much!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Words Get In The Way...

I don't know why I was nervous... but everytime I thought of calling my cousins back home to convey my condolences, I had butterflies in my stomach. Nerves... made me sick to my stomach. I guess I just didn't know what to say. It's so much easier to say "I'm sorry to hear about your mother" in English... but in Mandarin, as much as I'm fluent, I'm at a lost for words. When you say 'I'm sorry' in Mandarin, it's just a plain apology for something you've done wrong. Not the different kinds of apology you can have in English. Do I say 'hi hao ma?' 'coz that means 'you-are-good?' directly translated and that's a stupid question to ask 'coz I know she's obviously not good for crying out loud! More than that, I was afraid of how I would react... worst, how they would react... if I'm still in an emotional state, I'm sure they are too. I mean, obviously everyone is still grieving. It's ther mom! But my mom's told me how the monk who's been doing the prayers have assured everyone that dua-yi is an angel now and no more tears should be shed... I don't know why the word angel sounds so... commercial(?) in English. 'Angel' just doesn't sound very godly I guess. While in Mandarin, it almost has a superpower connotation. Maybe 'shen(2)' means... more like... 'god'?... but in English that'll be too strong a word. I can't win.

Either way, I called last night at 10pm our time, 11am Singapore time. Very quickly, my cousin Winnie and I started to have a cheerful conversation. I guess everyone at home is relieved that their mom is no more in pain nor suffering. She died still beautiful... and more then once, I've heard 'she just looks like she's sleeping'. I spent a good hour on the phone with my er-jie (second sister, Winnie) and my san-jie (third sister, Kim). Er-jie told me the two people grieving most are my mom and my mom's 4th sister. I know how my mom is... I can just imagine.

The funeral is tomorrow where they'd see the whole cremation process. I think this is going to be the most painful sight no matter how detached you are by day five of the death. I should be there with mom... I know she's still in a lot of pain. Maybe with it, her sister's death brings some fear as well. So she's 20 years younger. Doesn't make a difference. I guess one just don't expect people you love to just disappear and never be seen again. Ever.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Food TV Makes Me Crave FOOD!

My craving yesterday was funnel cake. Mmmm, funnel cake! So my beloved Bruce took me down to Autozone Park and of course, got me a funnel cake... yum(!!!). I enjoyed it under the intense Memphis July heat while my sweetie enjoyed his bbq nachos. We enjoyed three full innings of the game between the not-so-good Redbirds and the not-so-good, but better-then-the-Redbirds, Fresno Grizzlies, then left hahaha. It was not that an exciting game anyway... Bruce told me later that we lost... 6-2 DUH!

Anywayz, I got my funnel cake and I was happy! After an hour under the sun, we both came home to a long deep nap lol.