"Go Read The Chinese Newspaper!!!"

I used to hate that statement!! Whenever my mom saw me hanging around the house doing absolutely nothing, that's what she would ask me to do... or when she sees me looking into the fridge to see what was there. To not let me eat (again), she'll ask me to go study my Chinese or read the bloody newspapers! It became a habit - for me, not her - looking into the fridge lol... even when I wasn't looking for food. When I was bored, I would open the fridge... I couldn't walk by that big appliance in the kitchen without opening it. But this entry isn't about the fridge or my fetish with the refrigerator... it's about my mom, whom I used to think, couldn't stand to see me happy ie, in a state of nothingness lol... yes, when I was bumming around the house with absolutely nothing to do - homework not counted as something to do - I was the happiest. But mom wouldn't have that. ...and her most said phrase to me was 'go read the Chinese newspaper'; after that would probably be "go wash your face it's rough like sandpaper!". I kid you not!

My mom is Chinese educated and just couldn't understand how her daughter, even tho' fluent in Mandarin, just couldn't write an essay with ease or flair... nor read the five gazillion characters like she can. ...of course, my mother the typical Chinese woman who's a size 2 or 4 (when she's fat lol) also can't imagine how a big buffalo like me came out of her lol! Hey don't look at me... it's those darn big bones... yeah right!

Well, all that came back to bite me last night. The king and I ventured out to the boonies on the east side for dinner. Yeas Wok had great Yelp reviews. "Best Taiwanese food!" one reviewer said... nobody mentioned anything about their different menus in any of the reviews... well, we walked in. "No wait for a table for two' the girl at the counter told me in Mandarin - like I was hoping to wait for one and would be disappointed without the big wait. I looked at her and said 'hao' which means 'good'... like what else am I supposed to say? "Yippee ai eh"?! We were seated, and hot tea and ice water were served without being prompted and we opened our respective menus. Bruce quickly realized and said "they gave me the ang moh menu" which, to me meant that everything in that English menu had Americanized Chinese food. No problem, I thought... I have the normal Chinese one. Well, I flipped through the menu and bellowed "OH NO!!! OH SHIT!!!". To my horror, there were only Chinese characters in the Chinese menu. No English translations that I always assume and expect. I mean, we ARE in America! ...and every other restaurant has it that way... Chinese AND English 'helping words' to let me figure out what things are... WORST, it was all in traditional characters unlike the simplified version people in Singapore and the rest of (most) Asia who grew up in the 70s were taught. I had to think quickly... but I didn't want to order stuff I knew... we're at a new restaurant, a Taiwanese one at that... I want to eat something different!

The waiter came over and I spoke to him in my Taiwanese accented Mandarin (yes, like in English, Mandarin comes in different accents as well). I said sheepishly, "I can only read like 30 percent of this menu - can you help me order?". Man! That was a tough one and it certainly didn't help with the husband laughing his head off sitting across from me - he was laughing so hard his eyes were red from crying! He just couldn't stop. He wouldn't stop even after the guy left. Arrgh! Hey, there are Americans who don't read English - and they don't even have a backup language to help them - so there!

Fortunately, the waiter was helpful but I can't say I was overly impressed with the stuff that was brought to us. First dish was beef and basil - the server brought the food to the table and asked if we ordered it... my other sheepish answer of the evening 'ummm, I have no idea what I ordered' lol! No really! All I told our waiter was that we wanted; a tofu dish, a beef and a fish dish preferably without bones and that we want really spicy food and we'll eat anything. The beef was good but nothing out of the ordinary... the tofu dish was actually tofu skin with veg, beans... a pure vegetarian dish which wasn't half bad but nothing I would probably order if I could read the menu... and sea bass which was good but on the sweet side. Oh and the servings are huge! The husband wanted potstickers as usual and they were BAD - the dumplings were bad, the sauce was bad and they don't even have their own made hot sauce/oil... at least they only gave me bottle sambal olek type chilli when I asked for it.

I did look around to see mostly non-Chinese families having their Thursday night meal and a crying baby who just wouldn't quit. Everyone was eating Americanized Chinese food. To be quite honest, their food looked really good :D We sat next to the lineup of bags of take out and I noticed that EVERY take out order had orange beef, or orange chicken, or orange something. Must be good though that's as Chinese... well it's just not.

I probably wouldn't go back unless I have someone who really wants Taiwanese food and can read traditional Chinese. I'll take mom there when she comes... of course, she might remind me that if I'd read the Chinese newspapers when I was growing up, my reading skills would help me order something good at this restaurant - arrgh!