Sunday, January 29, 2006

Gong Xi Fa Cai

It's the year of the dog. It's my year!! I'm going to turn 36 soon. Somehow, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth... or is it from the horrible dinner I had last night?

Gong Xi Fa Cai to me. Maybe for the first time in too-many-years-to-count since I left home at 16 1/2, I am homesick during Chinese New Year? I can just imagine what the whole family is doing now... with all my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their kids. Maybe it's just the fact that the family I married into is not only small but not very family-like. I don't know.

Family gatherings to me while growing up were always filled with laughter and food. Even if it was just another Saturday and my mom would spend the rest of the day at my aunt's playing mahjong. Still, I would have at least a few cousins around with two of three toddlers running around seeking attention. Today, these toddlers are in their 20s and they have different toddlers running around them. There is always some form of activity... some high drama scandal... something, anything. People talk, people laugh... all within a tiny little flat with the smashing of mahjong tiles every few seconds. Orderly chaos. With my in-laws, there is just no human relationship; never mind friendship. As you already know, the mil is insane, the sil is wierd and insane and the bil... well... he's just him. Nothing ever seems to bother him. Maybe that's why it works in their relationship and he hasn't killed the sil yet. So when you get the husband, me and the three of them chararters and the two rowdy and not-so-smart kids together (who at 3 and 5, I STILL can't understand what the phuck they say when they speak) creates just a little annoying baby havoc. Conversations at the table at every gathering with his family goes like this.

Husband to BIL:
Husband: How are you? How is the restaurant?
BIL: Good. Very good. It's always PACKED!
Husband: Oh, great to hear that... while thinking in his head: LIE!!!

Husband to MIL:
Husband: How are you mom? It's good to see you!
MIL: Oh I'm doing great (LIE!!) Thank you for coming out tonight in this weather!
Husband: No response... thinking... you really think we want to be here? You're insane!!

Husband to SIL
Husband: Says nothing... thinking: you are insane!
Sil: Says lots but who's listening?!?
I suppose it's best they don't talk hahahaha! Too many taboo topics.

The above conversations are NOT made up and NOT exaggerated. Honestly! They are real conversations that go on at EVERY get-together we have... about three times a year. Hey, no family is perfect :D We did however do the good deed for the year 2006. We invited the sil and bil to our Chinese New Year next weekend. Lots of booze, lots of food. Eat that weight-watchers lol!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai to me. What should I do today? Haven't got anyone to visit. No one's gonna' be visiting us. Hmmm... I've got to do something to lift my spirits. None of this bitter taste, bitter feeling should be sitting in me. Not especially on the first day of MY year... something sweet. Yes, I should have something sweet. That's supposed to help. A call back home. That should do the trick hee hee.

I Have Disgraced My Own People

Last night, the close to the year of the rooster, we ended up at sorry ass PF Chang's. Yes, we knew no smart Chinese would spend the last day of the year there (thus the heading of this piece)... but since it was the mil's birthday, and it is her favourite restaurant, the sil picked the restaurant. Before I go on, I have a bone to pick. I'd like to add that no matter which restaurant we end up picking... no matter if it's 30 mins drive away from my mil's home or like last night, less then 5, she is always late. Not by just 5 or 10 mins I might add. No, age cannot be an excuse. Neither can a new hip, bad knees or insanity. It's beginning to become a rather rude tradition in my eye and I honestly think she's playing it in her favor! No one would ever say anything to her of course. Why?! 'Coz she'd get defensive... then break down and cry. It's a routine now. What an irritating thing to do on purpose! No, her time is certainly not more important that mine and vice versa. So why should I be sitting there waiting on her and her new hip to arrive!? Arrgh!

Back to my most hated restaurant in the world (standing right next to the my most hated cheap shopping place in the world, Walmart), it would be the last time ever in the next three lifetimes of mine would I ever step into that wanna-be- restaurant that cooks wanna-be-so-called-food again. What a bad close to a good year!

It was pouring outside - my ideal weather. Unfortunately, nothing else was quite ideal. The food sucked! OMG, I used to enjoy a meal even at PF Chang's. The sweet and sour pork was good - in Tempe, AZ - and that's about it. But last night, I ordered the beef chow fun, the husband ordered the steamed salmon (so did the sil) and the bil ordered the Singapore fried noodles. Nothing, and I mean nothing, tasted even close to edible. The chow fun (which is supposed to be wider rice noodles not the narrow ones that is used for soup based dishes) was cooked with cheap diluted and too-salty dark soy sauce (which dark soy sauce is usually not), bad grade of beef that was cut thick and chewy. The salmon was overcooked and absolutely tasteless... the Singapore noodle which even I have come to appreciate in this country, had practically no ingrediants in it other than vermicelli and curry powder. WTF?!?! This is at a restaurant that was packed with people still waiting to be seated when we were leaving at 8:30pm in the midst of a heavy rainstorm!! Granted, it's a westernized Chinese restaurant with much nicer ambiance then many restaurants in Memphis. But my goodness, the food tasted like it was cooked by someone trying to cook (Chinese food) for the first time and failing really really badly. It was awful! It tasted bad bad BAD! Yes, I admit, I do have high standards when it comes to Chinese food; but I have also had good American Chinese food. Last night's food was beyond bad. It was simply BAD FOOD! Obviously, people who LOVE PF Chang's know nothing about good tasting food, never mind Chinese food or not.

To top it off, I had cranky 3 year old birthday girl Mackenzie pee on my nice Eileen Fisher pants. She is THREE!!! WTF?! If she's not toilet-trained then for crying out loud, wear phucking diapers!! No apologies from her mother. Why am I not surprised. She is the mother of the two kids who don't know how to say 'thank you', don't know how to say 'please', don't know how to say much I suppose. However, they sure know how to say 'I WANT, I WANT, I WANT!' very well!

I left dinner rather bitter and certainly still hungry. No sympathy from the husband who upon returning home, went straight back upstairs to his computer - as usual. I guess I never explained to him just how important last night was supposed to be. Well, I never had to. Things just went the way I made them... until last night since it coincided with the two birthdays. It's vital, what the Chinese call the eve of the Chinese New Year, 'the reunion dinner' to be filled with happy conversations at the table. No, not conversation like my sil had with the waitress (and me) about weight-watchers and about how much weight she's lost or how many points each dish has (and how much she can afford to eat) and how much weight each of her friends has lost. I don't phucking care!! I think it's rather insensitive! ...telling this to a fat girl. Sheesh... these skinny white bitches just can't even retain a brain in them to understand what sensitivity is, can they!? Never mind weight watchers. Try some brain teasers!! ...yes, the 'reunion dinner' should not only go out with a bang; everyone should be happy and there should always be plenty of each person's favourite food on the table... with leftovers for tomorrow, ie the next year. ...and in my family (and a lot others), that's when the head of the family gives out red packets to everyone, right down to the maids. But... what did I expect. It certainly isn't the husband's fault he doesn't understand the importance of the reunion dinner and how it should be. My own father doesn't even know everything and he's freakin' Chinese!! But I blame me and my own big mouth. We were supposed to go to Asian Palace last night. But I'd brought up the fact that Asian Palace would be packed - since anyone with a brain who wants Chinese food in the Memphis area would/should be there. Certainly everyone celebration the reunion dinner and wasn't cooking a feast at home would be there. I just couldn't picture us sitting there with prolong silence and annoyance waiting on food. So... not only did I get to close my year with bad food, be embarassed to be seen at that restaurant with not that great blah- company... I came home hungry, played SIMS on my Nintendo DS then went to sleep. Happy New Year to me.

Back to the sorry ass restaurant... anyone I know reading this, if you ever want Americanized Chinese food again, go anywhere; anywhere except PF Chang's. You want a nice atmosphere with your Chinese food, take-out some from a good restaurant and eat at home. If not, don't do Chinese. PF Chang's is just a place that people who don't know food and don't care what food tastes like go.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Theme: Stupid Part II

If you haven't read Theme: Stupid Part I, read it first. I assume by now that you have at least watched one episode of Flavor of Love. Everybody has VH1. Ok, not everyone... but still... well, we certainly have!

If you have, do you noticed just how stupid the show's producer's are? I mean, I assume it's the work of art of this person (or a bunch of bigger idiots). After the first half of the show, they'd tell you to stay tune for the elimination round. Oooh, who will get voted out. Stay tune... stay tune... with a blink of an eye, the next second, they play next week's highlights. Now, if you're any normal person like Bruce and I, you'd watch next week's highlights and see who isn't in the episode. DUH!? Hello!? We already know who's being voted out lol. You have to laugh though... I mean, that's why we watch it. To see how much more stupid can the show get. Hey, sorry ass Red Oyster is still in it. So is Hoopz, Smiley, Hottie, Goldie (SHE IS ARSENIO IN DRAG!!! WE JUST KNOW IT!!!), Punkin', New York (the most horrible bitch out of the bunch of idiotic bithches) and hmmm... maybe it's just six left. Either way, it's a hilarious show!

Last week, Flav took sweetie to a very romantic dinner date. Guess where?! HAHAHAHA! Red phucking sorry ass Lobster! OMG! Bruce and I were practically crying. I mean, we know Flav is honestly sincere about loving Red Lobster hahaha! ...and did you see how much salt he puts in every mouthful of food?! Including salting every single piece of cucumber slice!?! Last night, Flav fell asleep on Red Oyster hahaha! You should have seen her face. How can any one of these women want to live with this man or claim they are in love with him? I don't get it. ...and he can't be rich... and that can't be his real house... nor bodyguard... nor limo... I mean... these women are just horrible horrible people!

Poor stupid Flav...

Monday, January 02, 2006

Theme: STUPID

You want a good laugh and something to bitch throughout another stupid reality show? Join us to watch 'The Flavor of Love', starring noneother than hottie (YUK!) Flavor Flav and a line of 30 (now 25 after the first episode) even more stupid (hard to imagine eh?) women.

We missed the first 18 minutes of the show (no worries, we have recorded the rerun episode that was aired two hours later lol) but when we tuned in, Flav was naming the girls. Yup, these girls were to disregard their own names and have dumbass FF give them names like 'Oyster', 'Serious', 'Picasso', 'Goldie'... yes, he names all thirty of them. It's hilariously stupid and the husband and I thoroughly enjoyed laughing HARD. I don't know that many of you an stomach an hour of it... but c'mon, be a sport!

To match the show, they had to air advertisements for the audiance who'd actually watch this show. Obviously, stupid ads!! It's amazing! I mean, for real! Obviously, the people at VH1 really know their audience!

I'm sure the first episode of 'The Flavor of Love' will telecast another 40 times before the second one comes on next Sunday. Go for it! It'll make you feel like Einstein after a minute of it lol.