Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hello? CLICK!

I just did something very un-nice and it's even more horrible because I think it's TOTALLY hilarious! Yes, I'm a bad person and I will go to hell. But seeing that heaven doesn't exist (c'mon, you guys gotta' know it doesn't!!) and neither does hell; I will just like most people wilt under ground and get nibbled to my second death by parasites (yuk!!) or buuuurrrrrn! Either way, I don't care.

As you already know, or maybe not, there is a silent feud going on between our family (meaning my husband and I obviously) and my sil and at times, my mil (though it's easier to be more forgiving towards an old lady who bore my wonderful husband lol). Since she (the sil) has not thanked us for anything her brother's done for her, she's in my who(?)-list. Yes, you know the drill... sil - WHO?

So I've been warned not to pick up calls this week. Namely because this weekend is my mil's birthday and the sil will promptly call to gather for a meal. To look for a pay-master - my own mother predicts. My husband had invited his mom out for dinner on her birthday last week and was then advised by the old lady that she'd already made plans with her daughter. Fine and dandy... still, the husband knows his sister well enough and predicted she would call. Well, call she did this late afternoon (two days before the mil's birthday) and low and behold, I forgot my only task (or non-task) and picked up the bloody ringing phone. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT! Yes, it was the sil... WHO?!

I picked up the phone with my usual sweet melodic (stop laughing!) 'hello?' Silence on the other end. I remained silent. At least five seconds, I should add. That's awhile. I frowned. I managed another 'hello?' this time a little softer and more curious... and then the other side said 'KAREN?' in a thunderous accented (the southern accent obviously) voice that was only too familiar and traumatising. CLICK! ...and I then started roaring uncontrollably with my demonic laughter. Yes, I'd hung up on the sil. I hung up immediately when I'd realized that I just made a big mistake by first - picking up the phone and secondly - holding out long enough for her to eventually hear me. SHIT! But yes, it was damn funny!

I called the husband immediately. Laughing hysterically, saying 'I just did something bad!'. I could sense the grin on his face... 'my sister called and you hung up the phone'. How does he always know what I'm up to without hearing it from me first? My laugh strengthened and tears started flowing down my small beady eyes. Hey, it was the most exciting thing that had happened to me all day :) You cannot fault me for having too much fun. Meanwhile, as I'm trying to explain what happened, I hear the signal for an incoming line. I could have only guessed it was the sil but this time, I wasn't that moronic to answer.

Yes, I'm an evil evil person and no, I do not feel bad for hanging up the phone on my sil. You don't try to make plans with us two days before your mom's birthday when you'd already planned it with her weeks before. She may assume we sit home and twiddle our thumbs waiting for her inspiring phone calls... she can assume we don't have a life. But this time, we're not caving. We'll take the mil out on a different day she is.

She eventually called the husband's cellphone (while we were still giggling and chatting while he drove home) and left a message. Of course there was no thanks mentioned in ehr message. Yes, she wanted to get together for their mom's birthday. Funny thing is, this Saturday is also her younger daughter's birthday. But they'd already celebrated it last weekend. Guess who wasn't invited to that party? ...nor were we thanked for her birthday present. Some people, I swear...

First Trip Of 2007

Since baby 'Ellie' will be due in March (at least as far as we're all concerned; hopefully she's in no hurry to make her appearance), I figured I'll make mom happy and meet her in Shanghai. Mom's a Chinese history expert and has seen a lot of China during her Chinese-painting days (she used to have exhibitions in her names - impressive eh - unfortunately, both her kids flunked out of art class lol) and would go all over to marvel at scenaries, flowers and stuff I don't care about... But my mother has never been to Shanghai.

The last time I made my solo adventure out there on a last minute decision, she'd mentioned that she'd love to see Shanghai someday. So being the awesome daughter that I am (hahaha!), I thought this would be a neat treat for her to also spend some quality time with me. She seems excited. It'll be nice... two of my cousins will also be making this trip so I think it'll be a nice mini reunion.

It'll be good. Five days with family overseas is about the right amount. I mean, I'm not the most patient person in the world (yes yes, the husband I'm sure is laughing now 'coz that's an understatement...) but for some reason, I have a shorter fuse with my mom. I don't know why. Maybe 'coz she's always right especially when I don't want her to be. But five days is a good amount of time to remain cool, calm and collected no matter what happens. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the hotel will be as luxurious as it claims and I will be able to find some really good food for everyone.

The couple of friends who now live there should be able to entertain me after mom and my cousins leave. They leave a good 30 hours before I do, so I can spend my last day and a half hanging out with them and one of their kids. I hope L doesn't make me meet her dumbass unemployed husband who has already asked me to buy him guitar strings. I hate men who take advantage of strong (but not so smart) women.

You'll hear all about my trip to Shanghai next month. Stay tuned.

Friday, January 19, 2007

I Just Don't Feel Like Flying

What is it with me!? For a person who flew almost two hundred thousand miles last year for fun, I sure am getting a very slow start to this year's travel log. The first month of the year is almost over (well, almost) and I have yet to engage myself on a trip; not even within the continent! I have planned on going to NYC to see friends and to meet my mom in Shanghai (as well as catch up with a couple of friends who now live there) before the month is over. But here I sit in my cozy little kitchen blogging, my tv blasting and I'm killing some time before I hit the gym. No, I don't like this either... but the thought of getting on a flight just isn't making me super excited this year...

I guess I just need to make myself do so. I have to if I want to make platinum executive again. This trip to Shanghai is a must this month. Unfortunately, the promise I made myself the first and last time I was in China isn't going to work for me. I'd acertained that the next time I step foot into China, the caucasian husband would have to be next to me. Why?! Why not?! The mainlanders simply kowtow to the whities and as moronic as it sounds (they, like a lot of neandethal Singaporeans think ALL white folks are rich and better then them - HA!) , when you have a white person stand next to you, your status in a mainlander's eye is raised. Hey, you can't blame these not-very-well travelled and probably not very well educated people. Compare them to the Americans who are not very well travelled, they are on par... actually, no, unfortunately, I think the dumb mainlanders are still a little less stupid then the idiots here in this country lol.

So fly I must... I'll get to see P who is expecting baby number three (after two boys), L of the 'my stupid friend story' who has no moved to China with her dumbass unemployed husband number two and supporting him financially while he spends his days at the Coconut Bar while she works to be able to bring home the bacon. No comments! The stories continue with her but I really don't feel like writing about her life again. Some of the girls I know, I swear, put themselves in situations they don't have to be in. But who am I to meddle right? I just need to go and hang out with friends and have a good time - story of my life :)

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Do Not Click 'Forward' To Me

Nothing personal... BUT... why do people feel the need to forward me jokes, prayers (I'm neither religious nor a believer), e-cards (ok, these are SOMETIMES relevant but even they can be annoying), non-personal pictures (usually unbelievable and ridiculous), chain letters; the list goes on.

This week alone, I have received no less then 20 forwards - mostly jokes. Look who's not laughing. There are a few exceptions to my list. The few people who forward me things via emials that I will with no doubt open them - yes, even if they are jokes, prayers (yuk!) or even silly pictures - no one in my 'list' will send me an e-card thankfully lol. People on the list: my husband, my dad, my brother and my sil (the one who is married to my brother, of course). I would include mom but she doesn't do emails. Other than that, if you have forwarded me anything in the last few years and still waiting on a comment from me, well, guess who didn't read it.

The reason I'm blogging this is because when I tell someone directly, they either take it too personally or ignore my request and continue doing so. It's like receiving spam except it comes into your inbox and it's from someone you know. If you are one of those people who go into your junk mail and open every email that says 'free viagra...' or 'you've won...' you're gonna' be a really busy person or, you don't have a life. I don't read the forwarded emails 'coz I don't want to. I don't care about what virus is going on in the world that might affect my computer. I don't care about who has the fattest cat. I certainly don't care what Bill Gates promises or what is the phucking recipe to a bloody cookie. I don't even care if I get bad lucky or die if I don't forward your emails to ten of my friends. I'm still here, aren't I?!

I just want personal emails, emails from people who are keeping in touch or emails from people I have given permission to solicit or advertise in my inbox. Sure, by entering this blog, it might lessen the number of personal emails I get (from the sensitive lot lol). Hey, as long as it cuts down the crap I get, it's worth it! If not, like the junk (snail) mail I get, without reading, it goes through the shredder without a second thought. Think about it; do you speak to someone who's calling for someone else at your number?!?

Moral of the story is: unless you're forwarding some real juicy email you got or the hottest gossip I'm going to appreciate (and it's gotta' be gossip of someone I know personally lol), do not right click forward!!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

My New Singaporean Friend... NOT!

This morning was a regular Tuesday morning. After the husband left for work, I hung out online, chatted a little with my brother then caught up with my Chinese drama my girlfriend G had sent me together with a bunch of other goodies (yes, FOOD) in my care package from NYC.

I got to the gym early so I squeezed in 30 mins of cardio on the elliptical machine and headed to 'Switch'. Switch class is usually pretty packed and with the new year just starting, we had a bunch of 'resolutioners' who joined us this morning. One of them being a Chinese girl. I say Chinese and not Asian 'coz she looks the part. Yes, very CHINESE. Almost f.o.b-like but not quite. FOB stands for fresh off the boat - hey, I don't make these things up lol. I helped her a little since she seemed totally lost and the instructor had too many people to help. At first she seemed reluctant to get my help and waited for Maria to get to her... but Maria helped her some before leaving to help someone else so she had to turn back to me HA HA!

At the end of the class, I hung around talking to some regulars and she stuck around to eavesdrop lol. She heard someone call me by my name and asked if that was my name. DUH!? She introduced herself as Jenny. I guess I must have looked really eager to know her name. Yeah right! Ok, I'm not really THAT bitchy; just a little maybe. I asked, 'where are you from? China?' I said China without waiting for an answer from her because I knew for a fact (even before I asked) that she's a mainlander. Her accent when she speaks English is totally mainlanderish so I was just 101% sure. She answers, 'I'm from Singaporrrre'. My legs almost gave way. I tried so hard not to laugh when she then asked where I'm from. 'Singapore' I said sort of nonchalantly. She almost peed her pants I bet! She asked me where I lived in Singapore. Ok, the last time I lived in Singapore was eons ago and my family has moved 3 times since and I have not been to the last two. So I said 'Mt Sinai area' which is where I last lived. That impressed her enough so my job was done. She went on to tell me her husband worked as a professor at the university. I asked 'so how long were you there?' (meaning to say 'you are NOT from Singapore' thank you very much). She went 'eight years!'. HELLO!?!??! Eight years in a country does not make you FROM that country mainlander auntie!!! Even if the sorry ass Singaporean government did kowtow to your Chinese ass and gave you a citizenship (which I doubt or she wouldn't be in the US now). She complained how they aren't that many Singaporeans around and that there is one that she knows of BUT she's Malay, not Chinese, then quickly asked if I'm Chinese. I should have said I was Malay to freak her out but I claimed my own heritage only too proudly. She seemed excited. Why, I don't know. She can't talk to me about my Singapore food. Can't speak Singlish, can't talk about high school days in Singapore and certainly can't cook me food from home. So what part of her is Singaporean?!

I later find out she's been in Memphis for ten years! Doesn't that make her more American then Singaporean!? She wished lol!

I guess if I was a Mainlander Chinese person, I would LOVE to say I'm from Singapore. We're a mere semi-communist country as oppose to the 'motherland'. Singapore is a pretty rich country, the people are pretty well off and civilized - well... compared to most people in China.

It's funny how there are people in this world (probably only the Chinese from China) who would claim Singaporean status and there are Singaporeans who try to claim they are from the US. Yes, they're out there, trust me. Not me lah! I have never done that all these years here. Why?! I know what typical Americans are like lol! But trust me, Singaporeans will, in a minute deny any ties to China lol. As big a country China is... as advanced they have gotten... we still get offended when someone asks, 'excuse me are you from China?'. HELL NO!!!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

PS2 Incompatible

We've had the Play Station 2 (PS2) for awhile now and I have always only played the karaoke games. Singing as a fat viking woman (it's the only not so thin woman available) and being booed off stage can be pretty humiliating but at least only the husband is around to enjoy the laugh.

A few months ago, the husband thought he would venture me into a cool game called Katamari where you basically are a rolling ball rolling over the universe to sweep up objects to make yourself bigger. Well that didn't work for me since playing on the big ass tv in our bedroom only subjected me to watching the ball on tv rolling and rolling and rolling and... you get the pic. It just got me seriously dizzy!! I quit playing the game after a mere 10 mins and had to call the husband at work to let him know the game got me sick. The man had a good laugh on my expense but I'll admit, it's pretty retarded and funny.

Well, the joke continues. Over the Christmas holidays, my sweet husband decided that since I can't watch little balls roll into big ones, he got a couple of new games for us. One was Simpsons and the other is Godfather.

This morning, after watching him test the Simpsons game before I went to sleep, I decided to be adventurous and test the game on my own while he laid next to me deeeep asleep. I didn't even get as far as stage two and I started feeling dizzy... trying to get Lisa's Science project to her was a real pain. OMG, before I knew it, I was feeling nauseous and sick. Yes, my breakfast didn't stick with me too long. Sure wasn't a pretty sight (or sound) when the husband heard me gagging in the bathroom. Yes, it certainly woke him up in a shock :s

Maybe it explains why my hands were shaking pretty bad when I was cycling on the stationary cycle this morning. So no more PS2 games for me. I'm not even brave enough to try the Godfather game. I'll stick to being the lardass viking trying to sing to a crowd of jerks who boo me constantly :)

Ten Days Of Feasting

Today, I went back to my regular schedule. What's regular schedule? Well, it's like Christmas plus working out lol

OMG after ten full days of avoiding even the thought of aeroboxing and spinning classes, I did a 45 minute 'switch' class this morning which entails switching (thus the name of the class) between ten minutes of stationary cycling and ten minutes of weights exercise till the 45 mins runs out. Talk about being in hell that would never end! I swear, all that good food (I was literally eating anything I wanted under the sun) during the holiday season, the luxurious breakfast every morning at the Grand Hyatt Seattle during our short stay there and the neverending flow of 'sticky paws' which I am absolutely addicted to.... ALL NOT WORTH IT(!!!). That is, only because I will be in hell every morning for a little while before I get back to my normal breathing pattern again :)

I'm sure the rest of the week and the next will be rough on me. I am certainly not looking forward to tomorrow, never mind the rest of the weeks to come :( Still, I would LOVE a sticky paw (or two) right now. No, I don't learn obviously!

Monday, January 01, 2007

No Thank Yous

It's a new year. A week after last year's Christmas day. We delivered the presents to the local nieces a week prior to the holidays. Birthday presents, christmas presents, presents from my mil (her wrist was in a cast from a fall earlier and couldn't shop for toys and certainly not wrap them). My husband being a very good son did all that for his mother. Everything was delivered on a Sunday afternoon and the bloody girl, the older one insisted (again) on calling me gramma. Worst, Gram-Mimi. That's the step grandmother. OMG I was gonna' bop her one I swear. She was calling me by the name of the woman who called me HUGE in my face! The little girl's been doing it for the last year or so every time I saw her. Immediately, her uncle threatened to take all the presents back if she couldn't address me by my correct name. Without a second thought, she quietly admits, 'auntie Karen' and shoots me the dirtiest look. Oooh, I so wanted to kill her. You laugh. But there is no love between us. She then runs across the room and hugs her uncle and turns back to me to say this-is-MY-uncle-and-I-love-him-not-you. KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF MY MAN I double screamed in my head. I realized quickly I was sinking to a new low fighting (in my head) with a five year old girl. Still... you can't blame me.

The husband is highly upset. Hurt though he probably won't admit it. We've speculated that maybe the girls didn't like their presents from us. But that's no excuse not to call to thank us. Maybe my sil didn't like the presents we got. Right, no bloody excuse for the rude behavior. Besides, the presents included a three hundred dollar gift certificate so the mother could get exactly what she wanted for the girls. We got them gift certificates because it's apparent that my sil and I have very different taste - I like kids to dress neat and preppy and she... doesn't. So the toys, an outfit each and the gift certificate has not deserved a simple thank you from anyone in that family. Not even when the husband called and spoke to the bil on Christmas afternoon. No mention about the presents, no thank you for the presents for the kids. So while I'd already given up on anyone calling to thank us, the call did finally come. Yes, a call from the sil out of the blues two days after Christmas! She left a message 'coz who in the right mind would pick up her calls right?! She was calling to ask for a favor. Yes, still no thank you. Still no mention of the gifts. Instead, she was calling to ask if her brother would pick up the birthday cake and ice for his nieces birthday party (after we returned home from our spending Christmas with friends, not family) because her husband had decided to work and she had three girls to handle in the house prior to the party. You know, we would do it for any of our friends; shit we would do it for a bloody acquaintance who treated my husband with some respect half the time. It was just so wrong for HER to call asking for this favor when first of all, she knew well and clear we weren't going to this five year old party. We don't live near her (thankfully). We just don't have that kind of relationship where you'd call to ask for a simple favor. Her brother was seriously upset while listening to the message. He roared his swear words while I spoke on my cell with my girlfriend wondering 'WTF' and shot him a look. I got off the phone quickly for him to relay the message to me. I was in disbelief. I mean, hello, aren't her friends' kids going to this party? Can't they do her that favor? Why did her husband decide to go to work instead of spend the day with their first born? Couldn't he do so before he went to work? The restaurant does not serve breakfast for crying out loud! Why was she asking her brother who had made it very clear wasn't attending the kid's party!?

My husband, her brother, didn't return the call. He's still upset he didn't get a thank you call from her or the kids. ...and I'm sure my sil is now upset her brother who couldn't even call to say 'no I won't do you the favor'. AIYOH! WTF right?! The family has something about not being able to confront each other; or hold a decent conversation; or have a civilized meal; or agree to disagreement on anything. My mil we're sure, have heard it from my sil about what a horrible person her brother is but is keeping tight lipped about everything. Her answers are now shorter then ever when her son asks her anything concerning the sister. She's just not a very tactful mother I conclude. This 'silent fight' would never happen between my brother and me 'coz if we were upset with one another, we would speak up or I would yell at his wife hahaha! The Tays are just different from the Ryans I guess. We're better lol. Plus we're awesome with thank yous - just not very good with saying 'I'm sorry'. :D